The Emotional Bond With Dogs
Dogs provide unconditional love and companionship to their human families. Unlike relationships with people, the love of a dog is constant and unwavering [1]. A dog will excitedly greet its owner after a long day at work, snuggle up close during a movie night, and offer comfort when their human is feeling down. This steadfast loyalty and affection creates a strong emotional bond between dogs and their owners.
Because of the deep connection formed, dogs are often considered full-fledged members of the family [2]. Some people treat their dogs like children, spoiling them with the best food, toys, and accessories. When a beloved dog passes away, the grief felt by their human can be profound. The loss of such a close companion can feel comparable to the death of a family member or friend.
Grief Over Losing a Dog
The grief over losing a beloved dog is real and completely valid. Dogs become part of the family, and their loss can be devastating. People grieve for many reasons when a pet dies – not just the loss of the animal, but also the loss of companionship, the disruption of daily routines, the loss of future plans, and simply missing their physical presence (Why the Loss of a Pet Is So Challenging & Tips for Coping with Grief, 2023).
Dogs provide constant companionship and unconditional love, so when that is gone, it leaves a real void. In addition, the daily routines that revolved around caring for the dog come to an abrupt halt. No more walks, playtime, feeding, etc. This loss of purpose can make the grief even more acute. People also grieve for the future they imagined with their pet – the travels, holidays, lazy days, and years of companionship that will no longer happen (Why Losing a Dog Can Be Harder Than Losing a Relative or Friend, Axelrod 2017).
The physical absence of the dog is also very difficult. No longer having that happy face greeting you when you come home or that warm body snuggling up at night can be devastating. The grief over losing a cherished dog is profound because they become such an integral part of daily life and the future envisioned together.
The Grieving Process
Losing a beloved dog is an emotionally devastating experience. It’s normal to go through the various stages of grief as you cope with the loss. According to the Cornell University College of Veterinary Medicine, common stages of grieving a pet include:
Denial – Refusing to accept that the pet has died or mentally blocking out the reality of the situation. People may act as if nothing has changed.
Anger – Feeling irritated, resentful, and bitter over the loss. Anger can manifest in different ways like lashing out at loved ones or feeling unjustified rage.
Bargaining – Wishing you could reverse the loss and trying to negotiate ways for things to go back to normal. Thinking “if only” and imagining what you could have done differently.
Depression – Feeling intense sadness, despair, emptiness, and sorrow when the loss fully sinks in. Crying frequently and withdrawing from normal activities.
Acceptance – Finally acknowledging what happened and beginning to move forward. This stage involves readjusting to life without the pet.
Every person grieves differently. Some may skip certain stages or experience them in a different order. The process is highly individualized and there is no “right” way to grieve. Be patient with yourself as you work through your emotions.
Source: https://www.vet.cornell.edu/stages-grieving
Coping With the Loss
Losing a dog is an incredibly painful experience. Allow yourself to fully grieve the loss of your beloved companion. It’s important not to ignore your feelings or try to suppress your emotions. Take time to cry and express your sadness. This is a normal part of the grieving process.
Consider creating a memorial to honor your dog’s life and the bond you shared. This could involve making a photo album or collage of your favorite pictures with your dog. You may also want to have your dog cremated and keep the ashes in an urn or scatter them in a beloved place. Some pet owners find comfort in having their vet make a plaster paw print as a keepsake. Find ways to celebrate your pet’s memory.
Don’t isolate yourself during this difficult time. Lean on close family and friends who understand what your pet meant to you. Joining a pet loss support group, either online or in person, can connect you with others who have gone through similar losses. This provides a space to share stories and coping strategies. You don’t have to go through the grieving process alone.
According to the AVMA, acknowledging the full reality of your loss may take weeks or months, and will happen in a time that’s right for you. Be patient with yourself and know that the intense pain will lessen over time, even if your love for your dog remains (AVMA).
Moving Forward After Loss
Understand that grief comes in waves.
Losing a beloved dog is an enormous life change. After such a profound loss, grief often comes in waves, with difficult periods interspersed with times of calm. It’s important to understand this is normal and allow yourself to fully experience the sadness when it washes over you again. With time and self-care, the waves become less frequent and intense.
Consider volunteering at an animal shelter when ready.
When the initial rawness of grief subsides, some find comfort and meaning in volunteering at an animal shelter. Shelter dogs provide opportunity to channel your passion for dogs in a positive way. Interacting with shelter dogs needing care and attention can help fill the void left behind while honoring your lost companion’s memory. However, only do this when you feel emotionally ready. There’s no set timeline for when to start volunteering after losing a pet.
Be open to loving another dog eventually.
For many, it feels like losing a part of the family when a beloved dog dies. The temptation can be to vow never to adopt again to avoid further pain. However, most people do find room in their heart to love another dog after a period of grieving. While no new dog can ever replace the one you lost, a new canine companion can bring immense joy and purpose to your life again. When the time feels right for you, consider opening your heart and home once more.
Making the Loss Easier
There are some things pet owners can do in advance to help make the loss just a little bit easier when the difficult time comes. Preparing for your pet’s end-of-life in advance can help reduce stress and anxiety when decision time arrives. According to the American Veterinary Medical Association, having a euthanasia plan in place with your veterinarian that focuses on your pet’s quality of life over quantity can help reduce suffering when the time comes (https://www.avma.org/resources/pet-owners/end-life-care).
It’s never an easy decision, but focusing on quality of life factors can help assess when the time is right. Being proactive and having conversations with your vet ahead of time can help you prepare emotionally. You’ll know you did all you could to reduce suffering when the time came to say goodbye. While the loss will still be painful, you’ll have the peace of knowing your pet’s needs were put first.
When Grief Becomes Complicated
For most people, grief over losing a pet will gradually lessen over time. But for some, the intense pain, sadness and longing persist for months or even years after the loss. This severe form of grief is known as complicated grief or prolonged grief disorder.
According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), prolonged grief disorder involves an intense yearning for the deceased, intense sorrow, preoccupation with the death, and significant impairment in daily functioning persisting for at least 6 months after the loss. Symptoms include disbelief that the pet is gone, anger, bitterness, emotional numbness, inability to trust others, and detaching from relationships. (Psychology Today)
If your grief over your pet’s passing doesn’t gradually subside over months, or you experience any of the above symptoms for a prolonged period, don’t hesitate to seek counseling. A therapist can help identify signs of complicated grief and guide you through the healing process. They may use techniques like cognitive behavioral therapy and grief counseling. Medication may also help in severe cases.
Getting professional help is important, as complicated grief can negatively impact your physical and mental health. Don’t suffer alone. With compassionate support, even the most painful pet loss grief can eventually be resolved.
Finding Meaning After Loss
The grief over losing a beloved dog can seem endless, but finding meaning in the loss is an important part of the healing process. Reflecting on happy memories and the positive impact your dog had on your life can help you come to terms with the loss. Appreciating that the depth of your grief reflects the depth of your love for your dog can bring some solace. And finding ways to honor your dog’s memory, like creating a photo album or donating to an animal charity in their name, can help you focus on the legacy of your cherished pet.
According to grief counselors, making meaning out of loss is a key step in adapting to life after the passing of a loved one, whether human or animal. The goal is not to “get over” the loss, but to find ways to integrate the memory of your dog into your ongoing life. This involves appreciating the role your dog played and how your life is better for having known your pet. With time and intention, you can find comfort and meaning, even if the pain of missing your dog never completely goes away.
As animal communicator Nancy Windheart says, “It feels that way for a reason. When you lose your beloved companion a piece of your heart goes with them. It will never return.” But she notes that finding meaning and purpose after the loss is part of the process of grieving and healing. Reflecting on what your dog added to your life and how you contributed to their happiness can help you make sense of the loss in the context of a loving bond.
Source: https://www.animalcommunicating.com/finding-meaning-and-purpose-after-a-loss/
Know You’re Not Alone
Losing a cherished pet can feel incredibly isolating. It’s easy to think no one understands the depth of your pain and attachment to your dog. But the truth is, many others have walked this difficult path before you. Pet loss is sadly a near-universal experience for pet owners.
You don’t have to suffer alone. There are support systems available, both formal and informal. Pet loss support groups provide a venue to connect with others going through the grieving process. According to the Association for Pet Loss and Bereavement, these groups allow members to share stories, memorials, photos, and feelings in a judgement-free, empathetic environment. Both in-person and online options exist.
In addition to formal support groups, don’t underestimate the comfort of commiserating with friends or family members who’ve endured the loss of a pet themselves. They can likely relate in a way that others cannot. Knowing you have people in your circle who understand the profound connection with your dog and the meaning of this loss can make a big difference.
The pain of losing your cherished companion is undeniably real. But take heart in knowing you aren’t alone. Connecting with others walking the same sad journey can help lighten the burden.
The Pain Lessens With Time
While the acute grief over losing your dog may seem unbearable at first, most people find that fond memories gradually start to replace the painful sense of loss. According to the HelpGuide article on coping with losing a pet, “As time passes, the raw grief you feel will slowly give way to more peaceful thoughts about your pet.” Though the initial weeks or months after your dog’s death may be excruciating, over time the pain does lessen.
Your dog’s loss will likely become easier to bear as you start focusing more on all the joyful memories you shared, instead of dwelling on the loss itself. Reflecting on the happy times and special bond you had can be very therapeutic. As Scientific American notes, celebrating a pet’s life and legacy can be an important part of the healing process after losing them. Though the ache may dull, you’ll always carry the love and happiness your dog brought you.