Introduction
It’s common for dogs to bond closely with their owners and become protective. However, some dogs become protective of only one owner, which can seem perplexing. In this article, we’ll explore why dogs may become protective of only one owner and not the other. Key points that will be covered include:
- Pack mentality and the role of the “alpha”
- Bonding with a primary caregiver
- Differences in training methods used
- Individual energy levels and personalities
- Gender differences between owners
- Addressing the imbalance through training
- When to be concerned about over-protectiveness
Pack Mentality
Dogs are social animals that naturally form packs in the wild. However, the concept of an “alpha dog” that dominates the pack through aggression is a myth according to experts. Research shows that wild packs actually function as families where the “alphas” are simply the parents guiding the younger members. Rank fights are extremely rare even between adult wolves. So ideas about asserting dominance over dogs may not align with their natural social structure.
When we bring dogs into our homes, they view us as part of their pack. But the hierarchy is not based on aggression or force as the debunked alpha dog model implies. Dogs accept humans as providers and guides, not because we dominate them. So there’s no need for confrontational strategies to gain a dog’s respect. With proper socialization, dogs see their human owners as trusted leaders to look to for care, affection, and direction.
Primary Caregiver
Dogs often form a stronger bond and become more protective of the person who acts as their primary caregiver. The primary caregiver is the one who feeds, walks, trains, and cares for the dog on a daily basis. This constant care and interaction helps build trust and devotion in the dog towards that particular person.
According to an article on iHeartDogs, most overprotective dogs choose to guard only the person they feel closest to, which is usually the same person who fills their food bowls, takes them on walks, and provides affection. The dog sees this person as the leader of their “pack” and in turn wants to defend and protect them.
Therefore, if you are your dog’s primary caregiver, they are more likely to be extremely loyal and protective towards you compared to other family members. The dog sees you as the provider and feels bonded to you through your constant care and attention to their needs.
Training Differences
Differences in training methods between owners can significantly influence the bond and protectiveness a dog feels towards each person.1 Dogs naturally look to their humans for guidance and bonding. If one owner utilizes more positive reinforcement techniques that focus on developing mutual trust and respect, the dog is likely to feel a closer bond and desire to please that person.2
On the other hand, if an owner relies more on punishment, dominance, or aversive methods, the dog may become wary and less bonded with that person. They are less likely to look to that owner for direction or affection. This can result in appearing more protective of the owner who uses more positive bonding methods.
Energy and Personality
A dog’s personality and energy level often closely match that of their primary owner or family. This is because dogs are highly intuitive and tend to adapt their behavior to best fit in with their human pack. A high-energy owner who enjoys lots of activities, games, and outdoor time may mesh better with an energetic dog like a Labrador or Border Collie. Likewise, a mellow, laidback owner may find they naturally bond with a low key companion like a Basset Hound or Cavalier King Charles Spaniel. According to research by the University of Vienna, dogs and owners who spent the most time together also shared personality traits like extroversion, agreeableness, and open-mindedness (https://www.discovermagazine.com/planet-earth/dogs-and-their-owners-share-similar-personality-traits). Because dogs aim to please their humans and enjoy shared activities, they often mirror their preferred human’s personality.
Activity Levels
Research shows that more active owners tend to have stronger bonds with higher energy dogs. A study found a positive correlation between the strength of the dog-owner relationship and the dog’s mean daily activity levels (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8695727/). Owners who are more physically active are better equipped to meet the exercise needs of energetic dogs. They can keep up with higher energy breeds on long walks, runs, hikes, and other activities. This shared lifestyle strengthens the bond between active owners and energetic dogs.
In contrast, less active owners may struggle to meet the exercise requirements of high energy dogs. This can cause boredom, anxiety, and behavioral issues in the dog. Less stimulation and activity weakens the attachment between the owner and energetic dog. That’s why active owners tend to form tighter bonds with their energetic canine companions.
Gender Differences
There are some general differences between male and female dogs that could potentially factor into protectiveness. According to Male vs. Female Dogs: Which Makes a Better Pet?, male dogs tend to be more territorial and aggressive compared to females. The territorial nature of males may make them quicker to act against perceived threats. Additionally, Are Female Protection Dogs Better Than Male Protection Dogs? notes that male dogs often have higher, less controllable aggression levels compared to females.
However, when it comes to protective behaviors specifically, there is no significant difference between male and female dogs. As stated in Male vs. Female Dogs: Which Makes a Better Pet?, territorial or protective behaviors are more influenced by training and breed characteristics than gender. Both male and female dogs have the capacity to be highly protective given the right breed and training.
So while male dogs may tend to be more aggressive overall, gender likely does not play a major role in whether a dog will be more protective of a particular person in the household. Protectiveness has more to do with the dog’s individual personality, bond with family members, training, and breed tendencies.
Addressing Imbalance
If a dog favors one owner over another, there are some tips to help build a stronger bond with the less-favored owner:
Spend more one-on-one time together. The less-favored owner should initiate play time, walks, training sessions and other focused activities. This helps the dog associate that person with more positive engagement and fun. (Source)
Have the less-favored owner provide meals. By being the source of food, that person becomes more meaningful and trusted. Feed breakfast, dinner or give special treats to forge this connection.
Assign command training to the less-favored owner. Working on cues like “sit,” “stay” and “come” makes the dog look to that person for guidance and direction. It builds respect and appreciation. (Source)
Increase physical contact and affection from the less-favored owner. Gentle petting, strokes, praises and snuggling all release bonding hormones in dogs. More positive touch from that person can help balance bonds.
Stay patient and consistent. Favoritism doesn’t disappear overnight. But gradually building trust and shared experiences can make relationships more equal over time.
When to Worry
While protectiveness is natural dog behavior, there are times when it becomes excessive and requires intervention. Note any signs of over-protectiveness that may require training:
- Your dog growls, barks, or snaps when you hug, kiss, or show affection to your spouse/partner
- Your dog blocks your spouse from approaching or touching you and refuses to move
- Your dog follows you obsessively and panics if separated from you
- Your dog must be crated or isolated when guests come over due to aggressive behavior
- Your dog lunges, growls, or charges at strangers who approach on walks
- Your dog guards furniture, rooms, or other resources from your spouse
If your dog exhibits any aggressive or anxious behaviors in an attempt to keep you away from your spouse or other people, consult a professional dog trainer. They can assess your dog and teach you techniques to reduce over-protectiveness.
Summary
In summary, there are several key reasons why dogs may be protective of one owner over another. Pack mentality leads dogs to form a stronger bond with the perceived “leader” who provides food, walks, training and care. Dogs also tend to be more protective of their primary caregiver. Differences in training style, energy levels, gender and personality between owners can also cause an imbalance. While protective instincts are natural, it’s important to socialize dogs and treat any aggressive behavior. With time, training and bonding activities, dogs can form strong connections with all family members. The main takeaway is understanding pack dynamics and addressing any possessive tendencies, while appreciating your dog’s desire to keep you safe.