Introduction
I’ll never forget the first time I saw my dog, Rex, run up to a complete stranger and give them a big sloppy kiss. Meanwhile, whenever I leaned in for a kiss, he’d turn his head or walk away! I was baffled. Why was Rex so affectionate with others but not me? As I researched this confusing canine behavior, I learned there are many possible reasons dogs kiss some people but not their owners.
Possible Reasons
One of the most common reasons a dog may not want to kiss their owner is due to a lack of trust or bond. Dogs use licking and kissing as a way to show affection, submission, and trust. If your dog does not fully trust you yet, they may be hesitant to show this type of vulnerable behavior. Building a strong bond through positive reinforcement training, playing games, going on walks together, and spending quality time can help a dog become more comfortable showing affection. According to veterinarian Dr. Marty Becker, “Licks are like doggie kisses and for some dogs a sign of deference to you as the pack leader.” If your dog kisses strangers or other family members more readily, it likely indicates they have built more trust with those individuals through daily interactions and caretaking.
As pack animals, dogs pay close attention to social dynamics and relationships. Make sure you are not unintentionally displaying aggressive or dominant behaviors that could be undermining your bond. Remain calm, be patient, and show your dog unconditional kindness to build the mutual trust needed for those sloppy kisses.
Building Trust
Building a strong bond of trust with your dog is essential for a happy and healthy relationship. Dogs that trust their owners are more likely to obey commands and behave properly. There are several ways to build trust with your dog:
Spend more positive time together. Increase play time, walks, training sessions, and affection to strengthen your bond. Engage in activities your dog enjoys and be fully present during your time together (source).
Give treats liberally. Use rewards like small treats, praise, and pets frequently when training or spending time with your dog. This positive reinforcement helps build trust and goodwill (source).
Use a calm, gentle voice. Speak softly to your dog during training and daily activities. Yelling or punishment can erode trust. A soothing tone and patience will go a long way.
Building trust requires time, effort, and consistency. But it is well worth it for a loving dog-owner relationship. Be patient, stay positive, and your dog will learn to trust you.
Jealousy
One possible reason your dog may not want to kiss you but will kiss others is jealousy. According to the Sequoia Humane Society article “Protective, Jealous, and Possessive Behaviors”, jealous dogs see other people or pets as rivals for your attention and love. The dog may try to force himself between you and someone else to regain your attention.
When your dog sees you kissing or showing affection to someone else, he may perceive that as positive attention being given to another instead of him. This can trigger jealous behaviors as the dog tries to get you to redirect that affection back to him. The dog wants your attention and sees kissing as a prime way to achieve that.
To mitigate this, Rover recommends trying to show equal amounts of affection to all those involved. Give your dog some pets or a treat when you go to kiss someone else so he doesn’t feel left out. You can also work on training “stay” and “settle” cues to teach him patience in waiting for attention.
Training
One potential reason your dog may kiss others but not you is that you haven’t specifically trained them to kiss on command. Dogs can be taught to give kisses through positive reinforcement training techniques using treats as rewards. According to the American Kennel Club, you can teach your dog to kiss by holding a treat up to their nose, then moving it to your cheek while giving the verbal cue “kiss.” When your dog licks your cheek, praise them enthusiastically and give the treat (AKC). You’ll want to repeat this process, gradually fading out the treat over time. The key is being consistent with the verbal cue and rewarding the desired behavior.
As recommended by Bil-Jac, start with your dog in a sitting or lying down position, present your cheek and give the “kiss” command, then reward with praise and a treat when they comply (Bil-Jac). With regular practice, your dog will learn to kiss on verbal cue alone. If your dog already kisses others on their own initiative but not you, the same training techniques apply – reward them enthusiastically when they do kiss you, coupled with a clear verbal cue like “good kiss!” Over time, they will associate kissing you with rewards and praise.
Over-Excitement
When a dog gets overly excited, it can lead to behaviors like jumping and nipping. This hyper behavior is often a result of excess energy that needs an outlet. Dogs who are over-excited by your presence may be experiencing a lack of physical and mental stimulation (reference: https://www.holistapet.com/blogs/dog-care/how-to-calm-an-over-excited-dog).
To curb over-excitement in your dog, create a calm environment by speaking softly, avoiding eye contact, and rewarding calm behavior with treats. Distract them with obedience cues or a puzzle toy to shift focus. Teach them a calming cue like “settle” to help refocus their energy. Try massage techniques to relax muscles. Go on a long walk before greeting guests to burn off excess energy. Maintaining a consistent daily routine with adequate physical and mental exercise will help minimize hyper behavior (reference: https://www.thewildest.com/dog-behavior/over-excitement-dogs). Channeling your dog’s enthusiasm into productive activities will lead to a calmer, more focused pup.
Fear
Some dogs may be hand-shy or afraid of hands due to past negative experiences. As one source explains, “Dogs don’t shy from hands because they’re abused. They shy from hands because they’re fearful.” (Source) If a dog has been hit or hurt by human hands in the past, this can cause them to become wary and fearful of hands reaching towards them. Even if a new owner is kind, the dog may still shy away due to those prior bad experiences.
There are ways to help a fearful, hand-shy dog become more confident. It’s important to go slowly, letting the dog set the pace for contact. Giving treats while presenting a hand stretched out flat can help the dog start to associate hands with good things. Over time and with patience, the dog can gain trust and lose their fear of human hands. But we must respect their boundaries and not force interactions that scare them. Understanding a hand-shy dog’s fear response can help owners rebuild their confidence through positive reinforcement.
Respect
One potential reason your dog may not be kissing you is out of respect for your personal space. Dogs can view prolonged eye contact, hugging, and kissing as rude or aggressive behaviors in dog language. So your dog may avoid kissing you as a sign of deference and respect, whereas they feel more comfortable kissing strangers or visitors who initiate close contact.
According to Victoria Stilwell of Positively Dog Training, respect comes from setting clear rules, boundaries, and limitations with your dog from an early age. She advises pet parents to be “tolerant and considerate of another’s feelings” and always respond to undesirable behaviors calmly, as harsh reprimands can damage trust and respect. Teaching your dog commands like “off” or “enough” can reinforce respect for your space.
The PureWow article “The One Thing You Should Never Do If You Want Your Dog to Respect You” also cautions against physically forcing your dog into positions or activities like hugging if they are resistant. This violates their consent and diminishes respect in the relationship. Instead, they recommend patience and positive reinforcement to earn a dog’s willing cooperation.
So in summary, while a dog’s kiss may seem sweet to us, respecting boundaries is also a form of canine affection. Work on building trust and respect through kind, consistent training.
Health Issue
Some health issues in dogs can cause them to avoid certain behaviors that may normally be pleasurable, like kissing their owner. According to the American Veterinary Medical Association (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6941081/), medical conditions and pain can lead to changes in behavior.
For example, dental issues like gum disease, fractured teeth, or abscesses can cause a dog a lot of mouth pain. Neck arthritis or muscle soreness can also make stretching up to kiss unpleasant. A dog that previously enjoyed kisses might start avoiding them if they’ve developed pain in their mouth or neck that makes the act uncomfortable.
Checking with a veterinarian to rule out medical causes for behavior changes is always a good idea. Addressing any health problems could help resolve undesirable behavior like kiss avoidance. Things like dental cleanings, pain medication, or physiotherapy exercises may help a reluctant kisser become affectionate again.
Conclusion
In summary, there are many potential reasons why your dog may not be giving you kisses, even though they kiss other people. It could be due to a lack of trust and bond with you, jealousy over attention given to others, a lack of training and reinforcement for kissing, over-excitement around new people, fear, respecting you as their pack leader, or even a health issue affecting their behavior.
The most important thing is not to force your dog to show affection in ways they are not comfortable with. Be patient and continue building a loving bond through quality time, positive reinforcement training, respectful leadership, and meeting their needs. If you suspect a medical reason, consult your vet. With consistency and unconditional love, your dog may become more inclined to show affection on their own terms.
Focus on strengthening your relationship in a way that makes your dog feel secure. Meeting their needs for exercise, socialization and mental stimulation will deepen your bond. Shower them with praise and treats for any kisses or signs of affection they offer. Your patience will be rewarded with a best friend for life.