Introduction
We’ve all heard stories about dogs who wait patiently by the door for their owner to come home, or run to greet them ecstatically when they walk through the door. The strong bond between a dog and their human is one of the most endearing things about having a canine companion.
So when relationships end and a family splits up, it’s understandable to wonder – does my dog miss my ex? Dogs form such close attachments to their families that any change in the pack is bound to have an effect. While dogs may not understand the full complexity of human relationships, they do grieve the loss of a beloved human companion. With care and patience, however, both you and your dog can move forward after a divorce or separation.
Dogs Form Strong Bonds
Dogs can form incredibly strong bonds with their owners and family members they live with. Research shows that the dog-human bond shares similarities with human caregiver-infant attachments and likely stems from our shared evolutionary history as social species (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4348122/). Just like human attachments, the dog-owner bond is characterized by specific behaviors like seeking proximity, feeling distress when separated, and viewing the owner as a safe haven. Dogs that are closely bonded with their owners will often follow them around the house, greet them excitedly when they return, and look to them for reassurance in novel or stressful situations.
This strong attachment forms because dogs view their family members as their social group and pack. Owners who live with, care for, play with, and train their dogs become central figures in the dog’s life. Over time, a dog bonds very closely with these family members due to positive daily interactions and fulfillment of the dog’s needs. Research shows dogs relate to their owners in a manner similar to a human child bonding with a parent during the first years of life (https://amazinganimalminds.com/explained-science-behind-human-dog-bond/). This helps explain why dogs often have extreme reactions when separated from their owners or left at places like kennels.
Dogs Notice When People Leave
Dogs form close bonds with their human families and perceive when a member leaves or is absent. According to a 2021 study published in Nature, separation-related behavior in dogs shows association with owner’s attachment style. The researchers found that dogs greeted their owners with more excitement after a 2 hour separation compared to a 30 minute separation, indicating the dogs noticed their absence (Lenkei et al., 2021).
There are many examples of dogs reacting sadly when owners leave them. A recent viral video showed a dog on the verge of tears as its owner left for vacation (Newsweek, 2023). The dog’s distress at being left behind was evident. Another heartbreaking video showed a rescue dog crying when it saw its owner packing for a trip (Newsweek, 2023).
So evidence indicates dogs clearly perceive and react to the absence of their owners or family members they are bonded with. How intensely they react can depend on the dog’s personality and attachment style.
References:
Lenkei, R., Pogány, Á., & Kubinyi, E. (2021). Separation-related behavior of dogs shows association with owner’s attachment style. Scientific Reports, 11(1). https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-021-98526-3
Newsweek. (2023). Tears Over Dog’s Reaction to Owner Leaving for Vacation. https://www.newsweek.com/dog-owner-reaction-leaving-vacation-video-1823333
Newsweek. (2023). Rescue Dog Has Heartbreaking Reaction to Seeing Owner Pack for Vacation. https://www.newsweek.com/rescue-dog-heartbreaking-reaction-owner-packing-vacation-1853300
Dogs Struggle With Change
Major life changes are difficult for dogs. When a family member moves out, dogs notice the absence and can become confused and anxious. Losing a member of their pack is upsetting and stressful.
According to an article on SheKnows, “Animals are often emotionally affected when a couple parts ways and can suffer from separation anxiety and depression.” Dogs form strong bonds and routines with their family members. When those bonds are broken and routines disrupted after a separation or divorce, dogs struggle to adjust.
As stated in an article on TryFi, “Divorce can bring about confusion, causing dogs to become disoriented and uncertain about their surroundings as their routines and living arrangements are disrupted.” Dogs thrive on stability, so major upheavals in their home life can be hard for them to handle.
The divorce and separation process is difficult for everyone in the family, including dogs. Making an effort to maintain normalcy, routines, and care can help dogs feel more secure. Extra love and attention from remaining family members also helps dogs adapt to the changes. But separation anxiety, clinginess, changes in appetite, and other signs of struggle may persist and require patience. Consistency, training refreshers, exercise, and environmental enrichment can help dogs cope with divorce-related changes.
Dogs Connect People With Places
Dogs form strong associations between the people in their lives and the places they spend time together (Duranton, 2017). When a family member or other person the dog is bonded to leaves the home, this disrupts the dog’s understanding of its environment. Dogs come to associate certain people with certain locations, so when someone disappears from the home, the dog notices this disruption.
According to a 2020 study, dogs have a strong mental representation of people and places they know well. The researchers found that dogs were able to remember specific locations they had visited in the past when prompted with cues. This demonstrates their ability to form lasting memories linking people to the environments they share (Fugazza et al., 2020).
Scent Triggers Memories
Dogs have an incredibly powerful sense of smell that allows them to recognize and remember people, places, and experiences long after they are gone. According to research, a dog’s sense of smell is 10,000 to 100,000 times more acute than humans (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8388720/). Their olfactory system has over 300 million scent receptors compared to only 6 million in humans. This allows dogs to pick up on even the faintest of scents.
A dog’s powerful sense of smell plays an important role in memory. Scents and odors become strongly associated with people, places, emotions, and experiences in a dog’s mind. Even if someone leaves or is gone for years, dogs can recognize and remember them through their distinctive scent signature. Studies show dogs can remember people they haven’t seen in over two years just by smelling pieces of clothing they wore (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7460434/).
So when a person who was a constant part of a dog’s life leaves permanently, the dog is likely to notice and remember them long after they are gone based on their scent. Smelling familiar items with that person’s scent can trigger memories and recognition in dogs.
Separation Anxiety
Some dogs develop separation anxiety after a loss. Separation anxiety is a disorder that causes a dog to panic when it is separated from its owner or another bonded companion, even for short periods of time (https://allthingswoof.com/blog/45531/separation-anxiety-in-dogs). The loss of a family member that the dog was bonded to, such as in a divorce, can trigger separation anxiety in dogs who are predisposed to the disorder. Symptoms include destructive behavior, barking, whining, pacing, and elimination problems only when the bonded person is gone (https://www.boydlawsacramento.com/divorce-affect-dogs/).
Dogs with separation anxiety become very distressed and anxious when left alone, even for a few minutes. This anxiety reflects a strong bond between the dog and the absent person. Some research suggests that 11% of dogs suffer from separation anxiety, and changes like divorce can exacerbate the condition (https://www.abc.net.au/news/2016-03-17/what-divorce-looks-like-for-a-dog/7252666). With proper treatment and training, separation anxiety can be managed. But it’s important for divorcing couples to be aware of this potential issue as they establish custody arrangements for their beloved pet.
Keeping Routines
Maintaining routines can help dogs adjust to big life changes like a divorce. Dogs thrive on predictability and consistency. Keeping the same feeding times, walking schedules, places they sleep, etc. provides comfort and security amidst the upheaval of a breakup (source: https://www.rover.com/blog/dog-divorce-guide/). If custody is being shared between ex-spouses, try to keep routines aligned in both households. For example, feed the dog at 7 AM and walk at 8 AM everyday, whether with you or your ex. Consistent routines reinforce stability for dogs and make transitions smoother.
Additionally, while the relationship with a human family member is changing, the dog’s relationship with you remains steady. Maintaining daily routines reminds your dog that you are still their caretaker and companion, despite the shifting family dynamic (source: https://ckcusa.com/blog/2020/february/dogs-divorce-tips-for-a-smoother-transition/). Simple routines keep your bond with your dog strong, easing anxiety and demonstrating that their basic needs will continue to be met.
Moving On
With some time and support, dogs can adapt and transition to major life changes like a family splitting up. According to Rover’s dog divorce guide, “dogs are incredibly resilient” and many can adjust to new family situations after an initial period of difficulty. The key is to have patience and take steps to make the transition gradual rather than abrupt.
As recommended by Dog Training Nation, try to keep your dog’s schedule consistent with walk times, feeding times and play times as much as possible. This provides comfort and stability amidst the change. Also spend extra quality time with your dog through play, training, walks, etc. to reinforce your bond. Feed them treats and affection to counter any stress or anxiety.
While your dog may miss your ex at first, they will likely form new bonds and routines if consistently exposed to new family members. Be patient and understanding during this transition period. With time and support, most dogs adapt well to major life changes like a family splitting up. According to CK9’s divorce tips, “While your dog may temporarily withdraw as the dynamics change, know that with consistency, they will thrive.”
When To Get Help
If your dog is still showing signs of distress weeks or months after the separation, it may be time to seek professional help. Some signs that your dog is struggling to move on include:
- Loss of appetite or lack of interest in food
- Excessive barking, whining, or howling, especially when left alone
- Aggression or reactivity, like growling at strangers or other dogs
- Destructive behaviors like chewing furniture or shoes
- Pacing, restless behavior, or inability to settle down
- Loss of housetraining
- Lethargy, depression, or lack of interest in play
According to veterinary behaviorists, if these symptoms persist beyond 2-3 months after a major change like a divorce, it’s a good idea to seek professional intervention (1). A certified dog trainer or veterinary behaviorist can assess your dog’s specific anxieties and recommend customized training protocols and behavior modification plans. Sometimes medications may be prescribed in extreme cases of separation anxiety or depression.
The key is not to punish your dog for these behaviors, but rather help them learn to cope with the change in a healthy way. With time, patience, and consistency, most dogs can adjust to “the new normal” after divorce. But getting expert guidance makes the process easier on both you and your pooch.