The grief over losing a beloved dog can be intense and long-lasting. Dogs provide companionship, comfort, and unconditional love. For many people, dogs are valued family members and best friends. Losing a cherished canine companion leaves an aching absence and profound sense of loss.
The grief process after a dog’s death is similar to grieving other significant losses. People go through characteristic stages of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. However, the intensity and duration of grief varies widely depending on the dog’s role in the owner’s life and circumstances of its death.
The acute grieving process typically lasts around 6 months to a year. But the persisting emotional pain can flare up periodically for years, especially on meaningful dates and during life changes. While the intense pangs of early grief subside over time, a dull ache may linger. However, cherished memories bring comfort and most people are able to move forward while still honoring the dog’s memory.
With understanding, self-care, support from loved ones, and sometimes professional counseling, people can navigate the painful grieving process and eventually reconcile their loss. This enables them to open their hearts to loving another animal while still honoring the past.
Acute Grief
In the initial period after a pet’s death, most owners experience intense sadness and frequent crying. This acute grief phase may last from a couple weeks to a couple months after the loss of the beloved animal (1). The level of profound sadness during this time often surprises pet owners, as the depth of grief can seem disproportionate to the loss of an animal. But this highlights how deeply bonded and attached owners typically are to their pets.
Feelings of guilt and regret are also very common in the acute grief stage. Owners may chastise themselves over decisions about the animal’s care or dwell on circumstances of the pet’s death. They may wistfully long to turn back time and relive their happiest days together. Some owners have reported feeling like a part of themselves died along with their pet (2).
During acute grief, daily functioning can be significantly impaired, as it takes great effort just to get through each day. Appetite loss, trouble sleeping, lack of energy, and loss of interest in normal activities are commonly reported during this traumatic stage.
Factors Affecting Grief
The depth of grief a person experiences after losing a pet often depends on several key factors, including:
The strength of the bond with the dog – Dogs that have been by your side for years or that you had an especially close relationship with will be more difficult to lose.
The suddenness of the death – Losing a dog unexpectedly, such as to an accident or acute illness, can make the grief more intense than if you had time to mentally prepare for the loss.
Lack of closure/ability to say goodbye – Not having a chance to say goodbye and gain closure can exacerbate feelings of grief and make it harder to process the loss.
No other pets – For dog owners who don’t have any other pets at home, the absence left by the lost dog will feel much greater.
Grieving Process
The grieving process after the loss of a beloved dog typically involves going through various emotional stages as you come to terms with the absence of your pet. These can include:
Shock – Many owners experience a sense of disbelief and numbness immediately after their dog passes away. The loss may feel surreal at first. This initial shock helps cushion the full emotional impact.
Yearning – As the reality sets in, deep sadness and pining for your dog is common. You may miss their presence, expect to see them in familiar spots, and find it hard to adjust to their absence.
Depression – It’s natural to feel profound grief and loneliness. Caring for your dog may have provided meaning and routine. Their loss can trigger depressed moods, fatigue, lack of motivation, and changes in appetite or sleep.
Anger – Frustration or anger over the death is common, even if no one is to blame. You may be angry at the illness that took your dog or feel it happened too soon. Anger can manifest as irritability, resentment, or lashing out.
Acceptance – With time and support, most owners adapt to the loss. Positive memories become more prominent. The intense pining and sadness begins to subside as you adjust to everyday life without your pet.
Grieving is a rollercoaster of emotions. Be patient with yourself as you work through this difficult process. Reach out for help when needed. Bonding with a new animal companion can also help many people move forward while still honoring the memory of their lost pet.
Duration of Acute Grief
The acute grief period after losing a beloved dog typically lasts from a few weeks to a few months, but the duration can vary significantly depending on the individual and circumstances. According to The Living Urn, “Acute grief symptoms after the death of a pet can last from one to three months and general symptoms of grief can continue, on average, for six months or more after the loss.”
SheKnows states that “When you lose a beloved pet, you may experience intense grief for weeks or months after the loss.” The acute feelings of sadness, longing, guilt, etc. tend to be most intense immediately after the loss. Over time, these feelings slowly begin to subside, although they may resurface periodically.
As noted in Scientific American, “Symptoms of acute grief after the loss of a pet can last from one to two months, with symptoms of grief persisting up to a full year (on average) after the death of a pet.” So while the most intense grief is usually concentrated in the first couple months, owners can continue feeling the effects for many months after.
Integrating the Loss
As time passes after losing a cherished dog, most people reach a point where they are able to integrate the loss into their lives in a healthy way. This involves being able to fondly remember the dog and talk about them without intense distress. Though you may still feel sad at times, the acute feelings of grief start to subside.
Fond memories can provide comfort after a loss. Reflecting on happy times with your dog, their unique quirks, and the joy they brought you helps keep their spirit alive. Sharing stories and looking at photos of your dog with others who knew them can be therapeutic. You may find the sad feelings associated with these memories start to be mixed with a bittersweet happiness.
Being able to have conversations about your dog without breaking down shows that you are adjusting to life without them. This does not mean you no longer feel the loss – but that you have found ways to cope. You can speak about how much you loved them, the things you miss, and your favorite memories without being flooded with intense grief. Though sadness may still be present, it does not dominate.
Finding the balance between missing your dog while also accepting that they are gone is an important sign of integrating the loss. You are learning to live with their absence, while still keeping their memory alive. With time, patience, and support, most people are able to reach this healthier place after losing a beloved companion.
Persistence of Grief
The acute stage of grief after losing a beloved dog typically lasts from one to three months (The Living Urn, 2021). However, the grieving process is unique for each person. Some level of grief over the loss of a cherished pet may always remain.
It’s common for feelings of sadness, longing and loss to resurface periodically. Certain times of year, such as the anniversary of your dog’s passing, holidays, vacations, their birthday or other special occasions can trigger renewed grief (HelpGuide, 2023). Sights, sounds or places associated with your dog can also bring up melancholy emotions.
While the intense pain diminishes over time, the love for your pet remains. It’s natural to occasionally think of your dog fondly and feel a touch of sadness that they are no longer with you. This reflects the depth of the bond you shared.
Seeking support, expressing your feelings and finding ways to memorialize your pet can help you come to terms with grief that lingers (Humane Society, 2023). Though the acute mourning stage passes, a part of your beloved companion will always be with you.
Getting Another Dog
While nothing can truly replace a beloved pet that has passed away, getting another dog can help with the grieving and healing process. According to the AKC, the joy of a new dog can help lift your spirits and give you a new focus as you work through your grief (source). However, the new dog doesn’t replace the one you lost. It’s important not to expect the new dog to be exactly the same. This can set up unrealistic expectations resulting in disappointment. Every dog has their own unique personality and quirks. Appreciating a new dog for who they are, while still honoring the memory of the previous pet, can help the transition.
Some people may feel guilty about “replacing” their deceased pet with a new one. But giving a home to a new dog that needs one can be a beautiful way to memorialize a beloved pet. Adopting a new dog doesn’t mean you’ve forgotten about the old one. It simply means you have more love to give (source). Take things at your own pace, and don’t feel pressured into getting a new dog before you’re ready. When the time is right, a new furry friend can bring joy back into your life, while you still carry the happy memories of the previous pet in your heart.
Seeking Support
Support can be critical for coping with the loss of a beloved pet. Fortunately, there are several resources available:
Pet bereavement hotlines provide counselors who will listen and offer compassion without judgment. Some options include:
- The Association for Pet Loss and Bereavement: https://www.samhsa.gov/resource/dbhis/association-pet-loss-bereavement
- Tufts University Pet Loss Support Hotline: https://vet.tufts.edu/pet-loss-support-hotline
Joining a pet loss support group, either in-person or online through forums, allows connecting with others going through similar grief. Support groups facilitate sharing stories and memories, processing emotions, and coping tips.
Individual or family therapy provides a safe space to explore feelings and make sense of the loss. Therapists can help develop healthy coping strategies.
Online forums through organizations like Lap of Love offer 24/7 emotional support and a sense of community: https://www.lapoflove.com/pet-loss-support-resources
Coping Tips
There are several beneficial coping strategies you can use to make the loss of your dog more bearable.
Create rituals to honor your dog’s memory. Idea include things like planting a tree, creating a scrapbook, or making a donation to an animal charity in your dog’s name. These meaningful rituals can provide closure.
Share memories of your dog with others. Talking with loved ones about your favorite experiences with your dog helps keep their memory alive. Looking at old photos and videos can also bring comfort.
Practice self-care. Make sure to eat healthy foods, get regular exercise, and do relaxing activities during this difficult time. Take care not to isolate yourself. Leaning on your support system is crucial.
While the pain of losing a beloved pet never completely goes away, these coping strategies can help you better manage the grief and sadness while cherishing your happy memories.
