Introduction
Giving a beloved dog away to a new home can be an extremely difficult and emotional decision. While it may be in the dog’s best interest, that doesn’t make it any easier for the original owner. It’s natural to feel a strong connection and want to visit the dog you gave up. However, before doing so, there are important factors to consider from an emotional and practical standpoint. This article examines whether it’s advisable for previous owners to visit a dog they gave away, looking at the owner’s feelings, the dog’s wellbeing, and the new owner’s perspective. With over 3 million dogs adopted from shelters each year in the US, many owners face this difficult question.
Emotional Reasons To Visit
One of the biggest emotional reasons previous owners may want to visit a dog they rehomed is simply because they miss the dog terribly. Dogs become like family members, and losing that bond can be extremely difficult, even when rehoming is the best decision for everyone involved. Visiting the dog can provide previous owners a sense of closure and a chance to see that the dog is happy and adjusting well in their new home (Source).
Seeing the dog one last time and getting to interact with it can help previous owners process feelings of grief and loss they may be experiencing after rehoming. It gives them an opportunity to say a proper goodbye. Some may feel guilty about rehoming the dog and want reassurance that the dog is in a good place now (Source). Visiting can provide this reassurance.
However, experts warn that visiting a rehomed dog can also reopen healing wounds and make the loss feel fresh again, which may not be productive. So previous owners should carefully weigh if seeing the dog again will truly provide closure or not.
Emotional Reasons Not To Visit
Visiting a dog you gave up can be confusing and upsetting for the dog. Dogs form strong bonds with their owners and a visit from a previous owner after re-homing can reopen emotional wounds for the dog. As one dog behaviorist noted, “Dogs don’t understand the nuances of custody agreements. To them, the person who used to live with them seemingly abandoned them…” (source). This can be very traumatic and upsetting for a dog.
Seeing a previous owner can also disrupt the bonding process with a new owner. The dog needs time to form a new bond and re-establish security in their new home. A visit from a past owner can undermine this process. As one dog owner who re-homed their dog stated, “PLEASE DO NOT VISIT THE DOG. It’s not fair to the dog who needs to get use to his new life” (source).
While painful for the previous owner, avoiding visits supports the dog’s emotional transition to their new home. As hard as it is, allowing the dog space to move on is often kindest.
Practical Reasons To Visit
One practical reason to visit a dog you rehomed is to check on the dog’s welfare and transition to their new home. As the previous owner, you likely want assurance that the dog is being properly cared for and is adjusting well (Patricia McConnell, 2023). Seeing the new living environment and interacting with the dog can provide that reassurance.
It’s also an opportunity to provide helpful information to the new owner that will aid the dog’s transition. As the previous owner, you have knowledge of the dog’s habits, likes, dislikes, triggers, training, etc. Sharing this information with the new owner helps set up both the owner and dog for success (That Mutt, 2022).
However, it’s best to limit visits, especially in the initial transition period. Frequent visits from the previous owner can confuse the dog and delay bonding with the new owner (Reddit r/dogs, 2022). Check-ins should be planned in coordination with the new owner and what’s best for the dog.
Practical Reasons Not To Visit
One of the main practical reasons not to visit a dog you gave away is to allow for full detachment and the development of a new bond between the dog and its new owner. Dogs form strong attachments and need time to detach from previous owners and attach to new ones. Visiting can reopen wounds and disrupt this process, causing anxiety and confusion for the dog (https://rescueinstyle.com/bonded-pairs/). It’s important to make a clean break to allow the dog to move on. Research shows that most dogs form an attachment to their new owner within the first month (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7023214/). Visiting too soon can interfere with this critical bonding period.
It’s also best not to visit to avoid confusing the dog or making it unsettled in its new home. The new owners will likely have different rules, routines and environments for the dog. Popping back into the dog’s life can temporarily disrupt its adjustment process and stability in the new home. Unless the new owners specifically request a visit, it may be kindest to let the dog fully settle in without outside interference.
Additionally, visiting may undermine the new owners’ efforts to bond with the dog and establish themselves as the dog’s caretakers. It could make the dog temporarily revert to its old behaviors or loyalties. The new owners need space to build trust and rapport without interference from the old owner. Holding back from visiting supports this transition of loyalty and caretaking from the old owner to the new.
Owner’s Feelings
Giving away a beloved dog can cause immense feelings of guilt, grief, and longing in the owner who relinquished their pet. Even when rehoming is the best option, owners often struggle with painful emotions both leading up to and after surrendering their dog to a new home.
Many owners feel guilty about “abandoning” their pet, even if circumstances truly prevent them from properly caring for the dog. As one owner expressed on Quora, “The guilt eats away at you. You wonder if you made the right decision. You hope the dog is happy.” https://www.quora.com/How-do-I-get-over-the-guilt-of-having-to-give-my-dog-away
Grief and depression are also common during the rehoming process and afterward. Owners often mourn the loss of their companion, miss their beloved pet terribly, and struggle to adjust to life without them. Letting go of a dog can feel like losing a family member.
Many owners continue to long for their dog and regret having to give them up, even if it was the right decision. They may wish they could have kept their pet or get them back. These painful feelings of loss and longing can persist for months or years after rehoming a beloved dog.
Dog’s Feelings
Dogs who are rehomed often experience a mix of confusion, excitement, and divided loyalty when visited by their previous owner. According to How does a dog feel when rehomed?, some dogs feel “very sad and/or frightened for long months despite being in an excellent environment.” However, others may just feel “happy, happy, happy” in their new home. When the old owner visits, the dog may show signs of excitement at seeing a familiar face, but also confusion as they are now bonded with their new family. There can be divided loyalty between the previous owner who raised them and the new owner who cares for them daily.
New Owner’s Perspective
The new owners may feel territorial or insecure about the previous owner visiting the dog they adopted. After all, they are trying to bond with the dog and establish themselves as its sole provider and caretaker now. According to a post on Reddit, one new owner felt very threatened by the idea of the previous owner visiting the dog soon after adoption, as it made them worry the previous owner may try to reclaim the dog (“Should I let her previous owner visit?,” n.d.). New owners want to feel secure that the dog is fully theirs, so a visit from the former owner can seem threatening. This is especially true if it has only been a short time since they adopted the dog and are still working to acclimate it.
The new owners may also worry that a visit from the former owner could confuse the dog or undermine its bonding with them. As one person commented on Quora, “If the previous owner bonds with the dog again it will just confuse the dog” (“I rehomed my dog. The new owners said I can visit him whenever I want to see him. Is 5 days later too soon?,” 2019). The new owners likely want to avoid anything that could potentially destabilize the placement.
Expert Opinions
Experts like veterinarians, dog trainers, and animal shelter workers generally advise against visiting a dog you previously gave up for adoption. While it may provide some temporary happiness, it can ultimately confuse the dog and make the transition to their new home more difficult (https://www.reddit.com/r/dogs/comments/qd2t78/should_i_let_her_previous_owner_visit/). Dogs tend to move on easier when previous owners make a clean break, according to a veterinarian interviewed in an article (https://www.patriciamcconnell.com/theotherendoftheleash/visits-from-former-owners-good-for-dogs). A dog trainer suggests that if you must visit, do it only once and keep it brief to avoid disrupting the bonding process with the new owner.
Shelter workers understand the emotions involved but recommend focusing your feelings on doing what’s best for the dog, which usually means allowing them to settle into their new forever home. Prolonging contact will likely make that transition harder on the dog. The experts’ consensus is that while it may temporarily make you feel better, visiting a rehomed dog generally does more harm than good for the dog’s ability to adjust.
Conclusion
Visiting a dog you gave away can be an emotional experience filled with both joys and heartaches. There are valid reasons on both sides of the argument. On one hand, it can provide closure and reassurance that your former pet is happy and adjusting well. You may get comfort from seeing them again. However, such a visit also poses risks of confusing your dog, disrupting their adjustment to their new home, or upsetting yourself if the dog no longer recognizes you. Much depends on the circumstances of how and why you gave up the dog. If it was recent or traumatic, visiting may reopen wounds. From a practical standpoint, a visit requires the new owner’s approval and availability to supervise. They may prefer limited contact to help the dog bond to its new family. Barring exceptional circumstances, the consensus leans against visiting for the dog’s wellbeing. But with the owner’s permission, a brief and positive visit may bring comfort to both parties. In the end, remember your former pet is still loved, even if that love now comes from someone else.
In conclusion, while visiting a dog you gave away can provide closure, the potential drawbacks usually outweigh the benefits for all involved. The dog’s needs should come first. If a visit would confuse or distress them, it is better to let them adjust to their new life fully. That said, with the owner’s enthusiastic blessing, a short and upbeat visit may help reassure you that your former pet is happy and settled. Approach thoughtfully, be prepared to keep it brief, and above all, be guided by what is best for the dog.