Introduction
I’ll never forget the time I was having a really bad day. I had just gotten some upsetting news and I was feeling down. As I sat on the couch with tears rolling down my cheeks, I hoped my dog would notice I was sad and come over to comfort me. But instead, he just carried on playing with his toy, oblivious to my distress. In that moment, I couldn’t help but wonder – why doesn’t my dog comfort me when I’m sad?
It’s a common experience for dog owners. You’re feeling sad or stressed, craving the special comfort only a pet can provide. But your dog just wanders off, leaving you disappointed. It may seem like your dog doesn’t care, but the real reasons likely have more to do with their innate behaviors and limitations in understanding complex human emotions. In this article, we’ll explore why dogs don’t always comfort their owners when they’re sad, and what you can do to help teach your pup to be more sympathetic.
Dogs Can Sense Human Emotions
Dogs have a powerful sense of smell that allows them to detect chemical changes in humans that indicate emotional states. According to the Royal Society Publishing, studies have shown that dogs can differentiate between human sweat samples collected during different emotional states (https://royalsocietypublishing.org/doi/10.1098/rsbl.2015.0883). Their sensitive noses pick up on the chemical components in sweat, breath, and skin secretions that differ based on our mood.
Furthermore, research by Albuquerque et al. demonstrated that dogs respond differently to visual and auditory emotional cues from humans. For example, when dogs were played sounds of humans crying versus laughing, their behavior and heart rate changed in response. This indicates dogs have the capacity to recognize human emotional states through various sensory cues (https://royalsocietypublishing.org/doi/10.1098/rsbl.2015.0883).
But Dogs Don’t Innately Understand Human Emotions
While dogs can sense emotions through facial expressions, body language, and tones of voice, they don’t fully comprehend the complexity of human feelings and experiences (https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/does_your_dog_have_empathy_for_you). Dogs lack the innate empathy and theory of mind that allows humans to understand another’s perspective.
For example, when a human is sad because they lost their job, a dog may pick up on the cues that their owner is upset. However, the dog doesn’t understand the abstract concept of losing a job and why that makes their owner sad. The complexity of human emotion is beyond a dog’s natural capabilities.
Additionally, dogs don’t have an inherent theory of mind that allows them to recognize that others have thoughts, feelings, and experiences separate from their own. While dogs can feel basic emotions like fear, happiness, and anxiety, they can’t place themselves in a human’s situation and experience empathy the way humans can (https://www.hillspet.com/pet-care/behavior-appearance/do-pets-have-empathy).
So while dogs may recognize human emotions through visual and audio cues, they lack the innate human abilities to fully understand complex emotions or see beyond their own perspective.
Dogs Show Empathy Through Body Language
Dogs often display empathetic behaviors towards their owners like nuzzling, licking, and comforting them. According to a study by Julia Meyers-Manor, dogs can detect human emotions through body language and may end up feeling the same emotions themselves. When owners are sad, dogs will often try to comfort them through physical touch.
However, research suggests this empathetic response is likely conditioned behavior rather than innate empathy. According to a study on dog body language, dog owners were not any better at identifying dog emotions than non-owners. This indicates empathy between dogs and humans develops through learned experiences and bonding.
You Must Train Your Dog to Comfort
With training, you can teach your dog to perform comforting behaviors on command.
This is useful for service dogs and emotional support animals. For example, according to the American Kennel Club, therapy dogs can help lower blood pressure and heart rate, reduce patient anxiety, and increase positive social behaviors in those they interact with.
To train your dog to comfort you:
- Teach commands like “hug”, “kiss”, or “cuddle” where your dog puts their paws on your lap or leans against you.
- Reward with praise and treats when they demonstrate the desired behavior.
- Practice the commands frequently to reinforce the training.
- Use a phrase like “I need comfort” as a cue when you’re feeling down and need support.
With consistency over time, your dog can learn to recognize cues that you need emotional comfort and provide it on command. This can help strengthen your bond and provide anxiety relief.
Some Breeds Are More Nurturing Than Others
Certain dog breeds tend to be more attentive and responsive to human emotions than others. According to Souther Living, breeds that are known for being very affectionate and nurturing include Retrievers, Bulldogs, Pit Bull Terriers, and Newfoundlands (source).
Labrador Retrievers in particular are extremely friendly, gentle, and emotionally intuitive. As one of the most popular dog breeds, Labs are often cited as being very in tune with human emotions and attentive to their owner’s needs ( source). Their affectionate and easygoing nature makes them excellent comfort dogs.
Herding breeds like Collies, Australian Shepherds, and German Shepherds are also known for being highly responsive to human body language and facial expressions. After generations of work alongside people, these breeds tend to be very nurturing and in tune with human emotions (source).
Of course, any breed can be nurturing with proper socialization and training. But some breeds do tend to be a bit more attentive and comforting by nature.
Consider Your Dog’s Personality
Some dog personalities are more naturally inclined to provide comfort than others. Research has shown dogs have variable empathy based on breed traits and individual life experiences. Human Empathy, Personality and Experience Affect the Emotion Ratings of Dog and Human Facial Expressions found dogs that are anxious, timid, or less focused on people are less likely to pick up on human emotional cues.
On the other hand, dogs that are confident and attuned to their owners exhibit more empathy. The study Emotional Contagion From Humans to Dogs Is Facilitated by Duration of Ownership showed dogs who engaged in longer mutual gaze with owners had higher emotional understanding. Your dog’s personality plays a key role in their ability to provide comfort.
Give Your Dog Time to Learn
Comforting is a learned skill, require patience and repetition. Dogs don’t instinctively know how to provide comfort like humans do. You’ll need to slowly train your dog to show empathy and provide comfort on command. Be patient, as puppies and young dogs will require more repetition and training than adult dogs who’ve lived with humans for longer.
Start by teaching your dog to come sit next to you or put their paw on your lap when you’re in a sad mood. Use treats to reward the behavior. Gradually train them to do this on verbal cue like “comfort.” Over time, they will learn to associate this command with you wanting reassurance. Puppies may take weeks or months to grasp this, while older dogs will learn faster.
According to dog training experts, empathy is the most effective tool for training dogs (https://pupgradek9.com/empathy-the-best-dog-training-tool/). Understanding your dog’s emotions and perspective allows you to solve problems together. So have empathy for your dog as you train them to have empathy for you!
Other Ways to Feel Comforted
If your dog does not naturally comfort you when you’re sad, there are other ways you can feel comforted and supported:
Spend quality time together. Go for walks, play fetch, or cuddle on the couch. Simply being with your dog can provide a sense of companionship. As pack animals, dogs enjoy being with their human companions [1].
Consider getting a therapy or emotional support animal. Some dogs are professionally trained to provide comfort during times of emotional distress. While regular household dogs offer companionship, therapy dogs are skilled at sensing human emotions and providing targeted comfort [2].
Explore other techniques like meditation, relaxing music, or speaking with a friend. While your dog may not naturally comfort you, there are many other effective ways to ease stress and feel comforted.
Conclusion
In summary, while dogs can certainly sense human emotions through cues like body language and pheromones, they don’t innately understand the meaning behind our emotions. Without training, dogs won’t know how to react when you’re sad and in need of comfort.
However, with time and effort, you can train your dog to provide nurturing behaviors like cuddling, nuzzling, and laying their head in your lap when you’re distraught. This will strengthen your bond and help your dog learn to offer the empathy you desire.
Remember that some breeds are naturally more inclined toward this type of comforting behavior. But any dog is capable of learning with the proper motivation and repetition. If your dog doesn’t comfort you yet when you’re sad, be patient and keep working on positive reinforcement training. Before you know it, your canine companion will be your biggest source of solace when you need it most.